I have to say things have been good and challenging at the same time here.
I see alot of genuine change. Yet when there are those times that my wounds are triggered, I can still feel the deepness of the pain and anger that still spills over. I can’t believe I had so much in me. I praise God, He step in before I got to the point of no return.
Its almost been a year now since my husband has not done any form of porn except one time a while back, yet I am still in awe and feel like I am dreaming.
Sometimes my heart can’t believe it and goes haywire thinking my husband is playing me. But I can’t go there. I have to pull myself out of it unless of course I have a legit reason to believe otherwise. I also know if he did try to go there, it would suck him in he wouldn’t be able to hide it.
On another note, as I see the change in my kids I cannot deny the fruit of his changes in my kids. My son who is six used to close himself off and not care about anything going on around him but now he seeks to be in our presence and constantly invites us to play with him.
My husband is finding it hard to say no because of all the damaged he’s caused, of course as his help-meet I am having to help him balance. Which is all good. But tiring. And my daughter now 8 is so sweet and freely talks about everything with no reserve, because she feels safe.
all in all there is so much good. But we have our moments, and I have to keep myself from running and throwing in the towel because I know and see my husband is changing and committed and that is worth it all.
Celia of Celia and Tito