Good afternoon Joel and Kathy,
I have been praying for God to put someone in my path that could help me and my husband as we are going through a divorce and today Angela
Milliken walked into my office and told me she had met you and referred me to write to you.
I pray that this is the answer I have been looking for. I am going to buy your book tonight and I am excited at the
possibilities that may come.
My husband and I have been married for 7 years together 8 and two months ago he left out of the blue saying he wasn’t happy and hasn’t
been in a long time; that he fell out of love with me.
I begged for him to stay as he is my world and the father of our 2 yr old son.
I realized soon after he left that there is another woman, a married friend of
ours who he has fell in love with although I don’t know if he would
admit it even now.
They are having a relationship and it is devastating me. He is being hateful and mean to me and all I have to pull him back
in to our old life is our Son. That is a tool I don’t want to use, but admit I have been.
Last week I persuaded him to attend faith based counseling at my church (he does not have God in his heart, and I have
been recently saved). The counseling is only for us to learn how to co-parent our child and get along.
It’s strange we need counseling to get along, since we never fought in 7 years and now we can’t be nice. I only got him tocounseling by promising more visitation if he agreed togo. Of course I hoped this would help him find God, me or the errors of his ways but it doesn’t seem to be helping.
I know God is shining his light in my husband’s heart but he is running as fast as he can away from it. I need a miracle to bring him back and I need a miracle for meto move on if he doesn’t.
My husband was my life, my soul mate, my best friend and I depended on him more than I should have. I still love him
with every ounce of my being no matter what he has done. I feel like one day he woke up with a demon and he hasn’t been able to shake him loose.
Satan has gotten a hold of him and he is lost, making poor choices with life, alcohol, woman and work.
This is not my husband- he may be full of pride and too arrogant but he is good man. He is falling and he knows it, but how do I get him to see the
light? What do I do from here?
I am so lost and confused on what to do. Can you help us?
Can you guide me on where I should go from here?
I don’t know if by moving on and letting him see the strong side of me he will want to come
back, or if I should rather let him know I am here and will be thus showing him the real compassionate side of me.
I appreciate any advice you can give and I look forward to reading your book.
Thank you and God Bless,
It is certainly early in this crisis. If you can hang in there for at least a year and be available to accept your husband back, you will be doing him and your son a great service.
As you know, he may choose to stay away. If he chooses that, you will be able to go on.. but do that later.
For now, it would be good for you to look back and be able to say, “I stood, and prayed, and waited for a year.. and he chose to discard his family.” On the other hand, the other woman might go back to her hubby and leave your husband stranded. Not the best way to get him back but we can deal with him later..
Your letter shows that you have a good grasp on some things. God puts a desire in wives for their husbands. They draw strength from their husbands, or their husbands drive them crazy. Don’t let that happen to you. Keep reading good books etc. and attend a good church to help yourself stay on track.
Our book will help and strengthen you a lot. It also would be a good book to get to your husband.
He is indeed in great deception, and it will take a miracle to get him out of it. If you begin to get many people praying, God can put strife between your husband and the other woman.
You are probably still in emotional shock. Just stay there. You can get healed up later if he comes home.. or when you decide to close your heart to him.
For now, just draw on the grace of God to survive.. and pray in tongues a lot if you have a prayer language.
Do you have an attorney? Is your husband paying child support? In some states, you get nothing unless you are divorced. Tell an attorney to “take him to the mat.” He needs all of the ‘reality check’ that he can get.. and he needs to know that if you two divorce that he will be forced to fulfill financial responsibilities to you and to your son for many years to come.
That will help to take the ‘shine’ off of the grass on the other side..
If he is not paying support to you and your son, and if your state does not require him to when only separated, then you can push the divorce so that he has to start paying. You can get re-married if he comes back. That is the easy part.
Let your attorney go for blood… don’t let compassion get in the way there. Being held responsible legally may be the only hope that your husband has of growing up. If he begins to grow up, then you might find that he starts to change his tune.
As far as your personal approach to him? You can let him know that the door is open for him to return.
The attorney can let him know that a divorce will cost him a lot of money. and finally, you can assume an air of independence. Always look FABULOUS… as good as you possibly can look, yet project that air of independence and separation from him.
Your unspoken message is: “I am good looking, I am going to get snagged by another man, and YOU are going to pay the bills!”
Obviously, you are not looking to get snagged by another man.. you want your sons dad to come back home.. you are just trying to get him to see you in a way that says that you are going on with you and your sons life.
Don’t yell, scream, argue etc. Just say things calmly and directly. Don’t ‘threaten’ the lawyer idea.. just get the lawyer.
Hope this helps!
Joel and Kathy