“I am the king of the castle, and the wife must submit”

The books arrived today – thanks for the prompt shipment.

My wife and I are currently separated after 21 years of marriage. No adultery or any kind of sexual sin, and no abuse; just me not listening to her heart. She moved out this past weekend. I had always been taught (wrongly now, I see) to take my wife’s input, but that the responsibility to make the final decision rests on the husband’s shoulders. I have always helped around the house and with the kids, and did not buy into the “I am the king of the castle, and the wife must submit” theory or practice.

We have agreed to start “dating” again; we had our first “date night” last Sunday night over coffee, and had great conversation. Through a conference we went to, I have finally experienced forgiveness from the guilt and shame I have carried from childhood for not living a more “perfect” life. I have learned to forgive myself.

My question is this: how should I proceed? Should I read the book first, and work on me, should I invite her to read it together with me, or what?

Thanks in advance for your input and prayers for us.

Blessings, – Kevin

Hi Kevin,

You reading it and giving her a copy is generally best. Reading it together may be a bit intense… As you read, you will be working on yourself. As your wife reads, she will be getting validated and healed… It sounds like you two are on a good track. Don’t be surprised if your wife says that the book reminds her a lot of your relationship. Remember.. a husband should never rely on his own opinion of the relationship, he should rely on her opinion of how things are going.

I assume you are both born again?


Joel and Kathy Davisson